I’ve been grappling with the idea of being true to oneself despite it hurting others, lately.
I enjoy making unsettling jokes that cause people to feel pushed away from what they can expect from a social interaction. I have noticed that whenever someone is offended by it, or simply gives into it and feels sorry, shocked or lost, I only act as a reflector of their own insecurities. It’s never the joke in itself that cause them to want to apologize, it’s the fact that they are not steady on their ground, and they simply let the joke finds its way into the cracks.
I realized it’s exactly the same when I’m being myself. The more in phase with myself I will be, the sharper my choices will become, and some people will be displeased by this process. Again, it is only because they are unstable in the first place, and I can’t possibly plan for every possible weakness at every possible level of intensity in every possible human being I will encounter. It then became quite obvious that it was futile to try to care about not hurting anyone, to look at all sides in each moment to make sure I’m not stepping on anyone’s foot.
That said, I’m trying as much as possible to leave positivity behind me and to help people around me, but I won’t stop being myself to please others, as not hurting anybody is a promise that is impossible to fulfill.
The quest begins.